Right now I’m looking outside my window at work, barely able to concentrate on my the work that’s before me. Why is that? For one I FINALLY have a window in my office. I think the biggest reason is because I’m BORED! I enjoy what I do most days. But today, is not one of them. I am a vocational rehabilitation counselor and I assist persons with disabilities to find and maintain suitable employment. I’ve had several consumers who have personally thanked me with flowers because they were able to go back to work and never thought they would be able. But together we made it happen. There are days that I reflect on those consumers and know that I’ve done something special.
Days like today though, I feel like a robot. Just going through the motions of documentations, paperwork, and monotony. Is there a deeper reason for my feeling of staleness? Perhaps…. perhaps not. I can’t be sure. All I know is that life is like a loaf of bread. When it’s fresh it’s the most outstanding thing. You can butter it, toast it, use peanut butter and jelly, and it’s the flavor that keeps it going. When it is allowed to sit and get stale, you just want to throw it away and buy a new loaf. Let’s be realistic. You can’t throw away your life and you surely can’t buy a new one.
So what do you do with stale bread…. you make bread pudding…and when it’s fresh from the oven, it’s heaven. So with a stale life, you make the best of it. You mix it up with something fresh and new. Tell yourself that your life is still your own and it’s up to you to renew it everyday. No matter how bored and monotonous life is, you still have today. God woke us up this morning to do great things. Find something great and get to doing it!! He didn’t have to do it but he did. We have to stop wishing for another life and start perking up the life we have. Like Forest Gump said his mother told him. “Life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re gonna get!” So if you pull out coconut and you hate it take another. Find that peanut cluster you love. Find that chocolate covered cherry that soothes your soul. And start appreciating each day as it comes!!!
*My quoted analogy to chocolate and life is not my own, taken from the movie “Forest Gump”
*Although I do take credit for the peanut cluster and cherry statement!
I have been wanting to blog lately but I haven’t had a good topic to start with. Then I said to myself I said “Self, what is it that has been on your mind lately” I did not answer self but I did think about it. I’ve been having dreams lately…. actually the last few years but here lately it’s been more frequent. I’m dreaming of situations where I’ve found my soul mate. The man who God meant for me and it’s always beautiful. I can see him clearly. The last one was dark-haired, white male. Which I have absolutely no issue with that. The one previous to that was blond. But I’m wondering what it all means?
I know that some people think that dreams are silly and they don’t mean what you think they do. Or it may be opposite of what you dreamed. I’ve had dreams that have come to fruition and I’ve had some do the exact opposite. So I’m no expert on dreams by any means. But I do know that when I wake up from these dreams there is a feeling of disappointment and hurt. The dreams are so real that when I wake, I almost want to cry because it’s not real. I mean is that crazy? I like to think that generally I am content with my life. I don’t have anyone special as far as boyfriend or significant other. I have a friend of whom I contact when I’m feeling some kind of way. I enjoy his company and he mine. But we are not “together” So I won’t count him when I say boyfriend. But right now I’m content as I said. But then again, am I? If I feel such soul crushing hurt and disappointment when I wake, am I really happy alone right now?
I still say yes!! Because I feel like if it were meant for me to meet him, I would have met him already. I knew my ex husband was not my forever, even before we married, but I was so afraid to be alone, as I am now, that I stayed with him. That’s not to say he was a bad person. He isn’t, but he was not for me. But I am alone now and I’m okay with it. I always think about dating and if I am ready to get into it again. I’m not sure that I am. It takes an energy to really get into and you will definitely meet some frogs before Prince Charming even comes into town. Am I ready for that? I don’t believe I am.
I don’t think God thinks I am ready. I’m a firm believer that God gives you what you need when He deems you ready for it. I am not sure He sees me as ready for the gift of my other half. I’m not sure what I need to do to get ready either. I think it’s a conversation He and I need to have. I haven’t been praying fervently for it either. I will be honest and say I don’t think I know how to date. I don’t know how to approach it without introducing sex into the relationship to early. So may be that is the hold up. I haven’t learned that nugget yet. So maybe that’s the hold up.
Maybe these men are not my forever, I have no idea, but when I wake up, it’s hard not to wish that they were. But until I get the answer, I’m just gonna keep dreaming..…… 🙂