I have been wanting to blog lately but I haven’t had a good topic to start with. Then I said to myself I said “Self, what is it that has been on your mind lately” I did not answer self but I did think about it. I’ve been having dreams lately…. actually the last few years but here lately it’s been more frequent. I’m dreaming of situations where I’ve found my soul mate. The man who God meant for me and it’s always beautiful. I can see him clearly. The last one was dark-haired, white male. Which I have absolutely no issue with that. The one previous to that was blond. But I’m wondering what it all means?
I know that some people think that dreams are silly and they don’t mean what you think they do. Or it may be opposite of what you dreamed. I’ve had dreams that have come to fruition and I’ve had some do the exact opposite. So I’m no expert on dreams by any means. But I do know that when I wake up from these dreams there is a feeling of disappointment and hurt. The dreams are so real that when I wake, I almost want to cry because it’s not real. I mean is that crazy? I like to think that generally I am content with my life. I don’t have anyone special as far as boyfriend or significant other. I have a friend of whom I contact when I’m feeling some kind of way. I enjoy his company and he mine. But we are not “together” So I won’t count him when I say boyfriend. But right now I’m content as I said. But then again, am I? If I feel such soul crushing hurt and disappointment when I wake, am I really happy alone right now?
I still say yes!! Because I feel like if it were meant for me to meet him, I would have met him already. I knew my ex husband was not my forever, even before we married, but I was so afraid to be alone, as I am now, that I stayed with him. That’s not to say he was a bad person. He isn’t, but he was not for me. But I am alone now and I’m okay with it. I always think about dating and if I am ready to get into it again. I’m not sure that I am. It takes an energy to really get into and you will definitely meet some frogs before Prince Charming even comes into town. Am I ready for that? I don’t believe I am.
I don’t think God thinks I am ready. I’m a firm believer that God gives you what you need when He deems you ready for it. I am not sure He sees me as ready for the gift of my other half. I’m not sure what I need to do to get ready either. I think it’s a conversation He and I need to have. I haven’t been praying fervently for it either. I will be honest and say I don’t think I know how to date. I don’t know how to approach it without introducing sex into the relationship to early. So may be that is the hold up. I haven’t learned that nugget yet. So maybe that’s the hold up.
Maybe these men are not my forever, I have no idea, but when I wake up, it’s hard not to wish that they were. But until I get the answer, I’m just gonna keep dreaming..…… 🙂