Life is not a fairy tale. How often have you heard that sentence? I know I’ve heard it enough to recite it in another language. French “La vie n’est pas un conte de fees” or “Livet er ikke et eventyr” in Danish. But if this is true, why do I keep dreaming of the fairy tale? The prince charming that sweeps me off my feet with his sweetness, his gentlemanly ways, his laugh that touches my soul? If it doesn’t exist, why do I still want it? Am I the only one who still dreams? I’ve had so many fantasies, so many so that I write a story to go with each. Or rather I think of stories, they don’t always end up on paper or a computer screen. But they are still in my mind. Why can’t I purge them from my heart?
If the “fairy tale” doesn’t exist, why does it seem like some people are living it? The white picket fence, the 2.5 kids, and beautifully manicured dog. I’ve seen it in person. I think about back when I was in college. I wanted a relationship true, but I was also enjoying my freedom at the same time. My last relationship in college was with a young man who was younger than me. But he was sweet, a gentleman, and he cherished me. He did beautiful things that may seem small to others, but was very loving to me. I remember when I broke up with him, I just wanted my freedom. Me and the girls had been traveling to different colleges meeting all kinds of people. I felt like that was living! But I remember telling him that I wanted to be free, that he was a great guy and he was going to find someone that would really love him. I hurt him because it came from nowhere. But I told myself that he would be OK, he was young and would get over me. But now that I look back, sometimes I wish I had rode that relationship to see where it would have taken us. It’s all in the living though isn’t it? We learn from our daily movements and decisions. Or we hope that we do.
But back to my fairy tale…….. I digress……. There are days that I am completely comfortable with my life and the way it is going. I work a lot true, but at the same time I get an enjoyment from working and paying bills. That’s what adults do. I even purchased a new vehicle as a way to reward me in my hard work. But then there are days when I’ve watch a YouTube couple that I wonder where is my prince? Did I lose him the early days only to find that I am not worthy in this life to be gifted another? Will the universe punish me for my misdeeds with Mr. C or Mr. W? Am I one of those women that are destined to be alone and be a aunt to everyone’s kids, see others living their fairy tale? I guess you can say I have refocused my energy on working and taking care of myself. And I am eternally grateful for my family. But the question remains if I was supposed to have a family, why hasn’t it happened? And maybe it is because I’ve crossed over the 40 year mark that am starting the grieving process of living without children.
Whatever the line, I’m still wondering about that fairy tale. Will I ever get it? Will I dream up a 6’5 defensive end/line body type and he magically appear to me? Probably not…. but I know the key to the lock is to just live. LIVE! Live everyday and continue with my life as it is and move in which ever direction it takes me. I am often afraid to move sometimes. I’m afraid to move my feet and sway with the wind. But in order to grow and make sure I am in place for my prince to find me, I must find a way to swallow my fear of swaying in the wind and let lead me to my destiny.