This morning on my way in to work, I was feeling a bit melancholy. Not sure why. I was Ok when I woke up. But when I settled down in the car, my emotions shifted. I began to think and trying to figure it out. But then I started talking God. I do that sometimes when I’m in the car. Just that quiet time that I need to talk. But the first thing that came to mind was forgiveness. I asked God to forgive me for all the things I’ve done that was not pleasing to him. And believe it or not, the list is long. Even thoughts can be added to the list. I’ve done things to other people, maybe not directly to them, but my actions could affect them. And for that I am sorry. I just wanted that time to ask God to cleanse me of those deeds and thoughts. It may not be as detrimental as murder, but some thoughts don’t have to be of actually hurting someone physically. You can hurt them by your interactions with someone in their lives.
Yes, a particular situation comes to mind. When someone I thought was once my possession secretly walked away, I was fooled into thinking he was mine first. But he was never really mine. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t take advantage of that thought and for that I ask for forgiveness. For the words that came through my mind as I heard the voice of a someone I once thought was a friend, I ask for forgiveness. For my thoughts were of violence and I am not a violent person. But if I had given into the impulses that raced through my mind, what the result would have been, scares me. So again, I ask for forgiveness.
I am not perfect, never have been, never will be. My thoughts are not perfect and neither are my actions. I try to be a good person daily, but even that slips. I try to love everyone, even mine enemies. But that gets tough. Sometimes I just want to rail at the world and give it the big middle finger. But that is not who I am or who I wish to be, but some days, I think it would be nice not to give a shit! But that’s not who I am. Most people don’t know who they really are. Do you? I do know that I am not one to brag or boast, and if I ever have, I ask for forgiveness.
You see the thing is, we have to ask for forgiveness and be forgiven, before we can forgive others. We have to forgive ourselves for making that wrong choice, or thinking in the wrong direction. I cannot forgive you if I cannot forgive myself. Otherwise, it is just false emotions going around in a circle of shadows. So tell me, what do you need to be forgiven for?